Boundaries Help You Define Your Relationships

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We are social creatures and our boundaries tell others what we think is okay for us and what is not okay.
They help us know who we are.

They also help us form authentic relationships with other people, as defining what makes us happy and what doesn’t, increases understanding.

We cannot set boundaries for other people, only for ourselves.

Without boundaries, chaos prevails.

Tom Whitehead from The Hakomi Institute says that if someone steps over the line, we may not be able to see the line but we can feel it or sense it.

Our boundaries aren’t static but change along with us. Boundaries protect us from things that feel bad for us. They push us to seek out people who support us.

Some people may disagree with your boundaries but only you can decide what your needs are.  Your boundaries help you get your needs met so you can live in harmony instead of chaos.

photo Waves, by Jakob Owens /unsplash

#boundaries #relationships #knowyourself #authentic #happiness

Your Problems Are But A Drop Of Water In The SEA Of Life

Your problems are but a drop of water

                                                                                                                                                      Roberto Nixon / Unsplash

Have you noticed that when you have a problem people will sympathize with you initially, but soon they’re back to the daily grind, and you lose that support that you so desperately seek from them? It is because they have their own equal and opposite problems. To dwell on your problem, means they might drop the ball on their problem, in this continuous juggling game of life, and they have to keep their boat afloat.

To wallow in your misery along with you is not love. It anchors you to your problem. They care about you, and they want you to pull yourself out of your problem, because you are the only one who can pull yourself out. Others can help, but only you can do it. Maybe all you need to do is change your perspective. Maybe your so-called problem is the way you are seeing things. Your problem may turn out to be a blessing. Maybe it’s time for you to “Sea” Life’s Beauty.

Being happy is a choice. It is choosing to think positive thoughts from the second you open your eyes in the morning, no matter what your circumstances are. Yes, a choice. It is your attitude about your circumstances that matters. Is yours an attitude of gratitude? I found a book in the “discard” bin in the public library 20 years ago. I was a little low on confidence at the time, so I took it home, and it was so fascinating that I’ve read it 100 times over the years and it changed my life. It is ‘The Power of Positive Thinking’ by Norman Vincent Peale. It said that gaining faith in yourself is like a skill that you can practice until you get it right.

 

The book has a similar philosophy to the law of attraction. If your thoughts are positive, you attract positive energy back, so you might as well make it positive, because the alternative is worse. Your thoughts about what is good or bad are not always based on reality, but on your perception. The good news is, you can change your perception in a minute. Sometimes all it takes is to re-frame your thoughts and you will see your situation entirely differently, and you will see an abundance of good and opportunity instead of a shortfall. Go ahead and Soak Up Positive Energy.

A while back, my finances were a worry. I had a lot of credit card debt, but on paper, I owned 50 percent of an expensive property. I sold the property, bought a home with suites and lived in one of the suites, which was much smaller than the big house I had been living in. By downsizing, I was able to pay off my credit card, put some cash in the bank, and gain rental revenue to help pay my mortgage. I had the same amount of money as I did before the move, but my perspective changed. Instead of seeing a sea of red, I saw a stream of cash.

I recently wrote a post about living well, and a reader asked me to explain what living well meant to me. Here is a link to it: https://goo.gl/Km7l3t, What living well means to you is likely quite different from what it means to me. Please share what living well means to you, and here is my list:

Wisdom Of The Ocean Listicle: Living Well

1. Living well is appreciating what you have and attracting abundance.Complaining about what you lack is the law of lack, and it attracts more lack. This keeps you in the bilges, always bailing out the dirty water from the ship instead of sailing smoothly on by.

2. Living in the present is living well. This sounds obvious, but most people are distracted by regrets about the past that they can’t change, or worrying that something dreadful will happen in the future, that never actually happens. They are thinking about what they are going to say next in their conversations instead of listening to what people are saying to them, or romancing with their cell phones while sitting next to the person they love most in the entire world, instead of telling them they love them. Now is the only time you have to embrace life. Why is that the hardest thing to do? Your sailboat has it’s own pace. Don’t rush things with an engine. Go With The Flow and don’t get ahead of, or behind your own sailboat.

3. Living well is loving the voyage. Giving what you can to others after you have satisfied your own needs, and accepting their offerings to you and honoring the giver in them is love. Come Out of Your Shell and show love.

4. It is beautiful to be who you are and love who you are. Living well is cherishing the divine creation you are, and not measuring your worth based on your gender, age, weight, looks or bank account. Self-confidence attracts more self-confidence. To be proud of who you are is honoring your divine nature, which we all have inside of us. Be Shore of Yourself

5. Nurturing your health with mind, body and soul is Living Well. Healthy food and exercise are better than medicine from the pharmacy for your body. Lifelong learning by reading is medicine for the mind. Positive expansive thoughts about your purpose in life, and aligning your actions with your positive thoughts is medicine for your soul. Don’t Get Tide Down with a poor lifestyle

6. Living well means seeking your own approval over the approval of others. If they approve, awesome, if not, don’t sweat it. Do what you know is right for you. Likewise, don’t judge others when they do what’s right for them. Spend time doing what you love, as in Do What Floats Your Boat.

7. Oh yeah, and don’t be crabby – and take time to coast!

  • sources — Wisdom From The Ocean
  • Thanks for reading. Shout out to Michele Trainer for suggestion
  • Thanks for collaborating Anna Henricson
  • Have a beautiful day! If you liked it please hit the heart button and recommend it.
  • Please comment on what living well means to you.
  • AHoy!

Do You Want to Be a Hero? Live WELL

Heroes Live Well

Lea Dubedout photo  – Unsplash

When you live in the past you live badly.

Your past is like a condensed movie of your life that flashes by the side of the highway as you speed by; the years passing by faster than street lights.

In the re-run of your life, you are embarrassed by your mistakes, and want to edit those scenes out, but you are an evolving organism, and learning hard lessons made you stronger.

Your shame made you aware, and your awareness made you forgive yourself and move forward, then you forgive other evolving organisms for their mistakes.

Looking back shows how far you have traveled on your journey. You have been altered by your experiences have altered you in the eternal classroom of life.

In the space-time continuum, your pit stop on earth can be free from regrets if you decide to search for ways to live WELL.

You were put on earth to be a hero. To reach your true potential. To become someone you admire.

To work hard doing what you love, maintain your body, expand your mind, and nurture your soul with positive thoughts and gratitude.

Honoring yourself transforms you into a tiny hero.

When you express yourself you light a tiny candle and your light spreads.

It illuminates the path of your future.

Death inches closer each day, kindling your urgency to live well – to love lots, and to value your life.

You don’t fear death when you are fully immersed in life.

You raise your standards, and perform brave deeds and noble acts.

Your plot has new twists. You adopt a dog. He has hero worship in his eyes for you. You feel good.

You show compassion to a person who needs some. You feel good.

Your struggle with life is gone when you do what feels good, and connect to others.

You remove your 3-D glasses and see things as they are. The world is beautifully imperfect.

You understand that everything happens for a reason. Chance occurrences benefit you.

You wouldn’t change your journey because it brings you to the movie of your future.

When your journey has ends you are a full grown hero. Mission complete.

When you love and live well, you die happy!

The last scene of your life is not a flashback, but a foreshadowing of your next journey. Your perspective has changed. Your body will dissolve, but your spirit will remain.

You are drawn to the warmth and peace of the ambient light from the screen. Love is everywhere. The music fades to a humming chorus and transitions you to a new time zone.

The credits roll. It’s a happy ending. You look forward to the after party!

  • Go to the profile of AnnHoy

    AnnHoy

    Welcome! I write about expanding your life on my blog annhoy.com  — #loveyourself, #positivethinking, #optimizingyourself, and #wellbeing are recurring themes.

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    • AnnHoy

    Battle of The Spoons – Happy St. Paddy’s Day Newfoundland!

    I imagine spoon playing is becoming a lost art, but apparently it is alive and well in Newfoundland! My Irish Mom played the spoons for us.

    The Irish are great improvisers. When my mom’s family and friends would go to the cottage in Donegal, Ireland, they would make their own band. They used washboards and ‘ugly sticks’ (mops with boots on the end to hit the floor with for the stomping bass), and they played the spoons to add percussion.

    Try gripping two spoons back to back between the knuckles of your index finger and middle finger and rattle them together. Warning – it’s harder than it looks!

    Charlie and Gary are awesome in the video below! Gary also plays the Bodran (Irish drum). Before the advent of metal spoons, the Irish used bones.

    Happy Saint Patrick’s Day

    Happy

    Happy St Patrick’s Day – Niagra Falls

    Niagara Falls on both the Canadian and American sides will be flooded in green lights for Tourism Irelands’ “Saint Patrick’s Day Global Greening Campaign” this year. It is a way to say, ‘One Hundred Thousand Welcomes’, or C’ead Mile Failte, to all the Irish who have emigrated to Canada and the United States over the years, and to attract travellers and investors to Ireland.

    In all, sixty nine famous locations and monuments in twenty countries around the globe will be lit in green lights to celebrate Irish friendship everywhere and to lure travellers to visit and invest in Ireland.

    A few other notable locations getting the green light are: The Taj Mahal in India, Trump tower in Chicago, Disneyland Paris, The Leaning Tower of Pisa in Italy, and the Empire State Building in New York. UNESCO World Heritage site Petra, in Jordan, and Sleeping Beauty’s Castle in Disneyland. The London Eye, the welcome sign in Las Vegas and the Prince’s Palace in Monaco.

    HNEWS@HERALD.IE
    Photo handout by Tourism Ireland

    Happy New Year 2014! – 52 Weeks to Optimizing Yourself – Week One

    Happy 2014

    Happy 2014


    The next 52 weeks are filled with promise. A new year’s resolution is a promise to yourself, to start doing something you want to do, or stop doing something you don’t want to do. With a positive attitude and a sense of well-being, I hope you will have a year of optimizing yourself.

    A year can feel like an eternity to commit to a goal. We are always evolving, and our goals are always changing too.

    The goal you set at the start of the year may lose its’ urgency by the end of the year.

    As I reflect back on my 52 weeks of optimizing yourself for 2013, I sometimes found it difficult to work on my goals for even one week, but by setting the goal, I remembered to work on it for the rest of the year, while also working toward other goals, because many of my goals are linked together.

    This year, with a brand new 52 weeks of optimizing yourself ahead of me, I am going to create a habit of thinking big to achieve my goals, because I already know what happens when I think small.
    This year I am choosing to go big or go home!

    Innovators dare to think big:

    Some men look at things the way they are and ask why? I dream of
    things that are not and ask why not? -Robert Kennedy

    For some of my life goals, I already think big, but other times I settle for less than reaching my full potential. Since I have nothing to lose by thinking big in all my goals, and potentially much to gain, I feel I owe it to myself to try.

    Jumping off my comfortable path will help me build momentum to move forward and experiment.

    By forming new ways to reach my goals each week, I will try something different to see if I get a different result.

    For week one, I am going to note down all the goals that I need to think big on, and as the 52 weeks unfold, begin working on each one to continue to optimize myself. I will let you know how it goes next week.

    I am wishing everyone a year filled with peace and love, and may your reality be health and happiness in 2014!

    Photo credit: Photo pin/ 52 weeks

    To My Dear Blog Readers:

    Celebrate today

    Celebrate today

    I wish you all a peaceful and happy holiday, and, when the stress of hustle and bustle subsides, the time and energy to savor all the special moments, as you love, and be loved.

    When we exchange gifts, we share ourselves – our time, our energy, our money, and our love. When we make our gifts, we give the best gift ever – our talent, expressed in a homemade card or cookies, cooking Christmas dinner, or building a snowman on the lawn.

    We reflect back on Christmases past, and look forward to the New Year, but the best time in our lives is now.

    “Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That’s why it is called the present.” Alice Morse Earle

    As you exchange gifts this holiday season, enjoy some quiet time to celebrate the gift of today.

    Blessings,

    Ann Hoy

    the gift of a snowman

    A Snowman Is A Gift for the neighbourhood

    photo: photo pin

    Winter Needs Christmas

    Winter needs Christmas

    Christmas brightens winter

    Many people are not religious, but they still love Christmas.

    Christmas has become more secular, and more spiritual.

    In those parts of the world where winter is cold, Christmas warms our bodies and souls from the inside out.

    Christmas is a time of expansion – we eat too much, spend too much, drink too much, but our hearts expand in the process.  When we extend ourselves for others, we feel better, and associate Christmas with abundance and love.

    A Happy Celebration

    A Happy Celebration

    The neighbours’ Christmas lights stay on all day and night, leaving an added glow, brightening the outside, when the days are short and the temperatures are cold.  When the letter carrier delivers the mail, it`s only a Christmas card, yay no bills!

    My sister hosted a family Christmas gathering at her house, a wonderful opportunity for family bonding. No need to fly to a sunny location for Christmas; almost everyone wants to be home for Christmas, spending time with loved ones.

    At Christmas, we give what we can.  It’s a time of goodwill and peace. We call a truce to arguments and wars, we see people we only see at Christmas, reminisce about Christmases past, and get updates on their lives today.

    Christmas trees and decorations transform the inside of the house with colored lights twinkling like stars, with an angel on top.  We relax by the fire with hot cocoa, grateful for all the riches around us.

    Christmas breeds joy in our hearts, of giving and receiving, rewarding service,  holidaying from work and stress, making wish lists, filling stockings with names on them, shopping in bustling toy stores, going to parties, making gingerbread houses, and smelling pine cones.

    goodwill to all

    goodwill to all

    People I meet are wishing me a Merry Christmas, or Happy Holidays, and to me it means have a happy celebration, good fortune, good food, and love.  I am not offended if they wish me a Happy Hanukkah, or Happy Kwanzaa, although I am not Jewish or African-Canadian, because I know they are wishing me the best celebration they can imagine.  Christmas is a family time that warms the heart and shortens winter.

     

    photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/darwinbell/2094406126/”>Darwin Bell / photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/cameliatwu/6541663721/”>CameliaTWU

    photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/29233640@N07/8303780929/”>** RCB **