Pump Your Own Tires – Crossing the Bridge to Loving Yourself

Pump Your Own Tires

3D book cover

*****Thank You to my blog readers for all your support along my writing journey.  Reading my posts and subscribing to my blog gave me the encouragement I needed to realize a long held dream – writing a book. Knowing that you are enjoying the blog posts is important, and I hope you will also enjoy my first book which is coming out soon on Amazon.

It is called: ‘Pump Your Own Tires – Crossing the Bridge to Loving Yourself’.and will go on Amazon in about a week.  Here is an excerpt:

“What if I don’t love myself?”

It’s okay if you don’t love yourself. Many people don’t – I didn’t until a few years ago. It took me 50 years to realize that by loving myself, I was honoring my divine creator. Loving myself didn’t turn me into a self-absorbed narcissist – it turned me into someone who saw myself in others.

There is no evidence to support the claim that you can’t love others until you love yourself first. You can in fact love others and not yourself. Many people do. Many people live their entire lives without loving themselves. If you don’t love yourself first, you can still love others – but your love is tainted. Because we all want to be loved, and when you give others more love than you give yourself, you wish that you could have that same amount of love.

You don’t feel happy when other people get more love than you. You feel shortchanged. When you start loving yourself, those intense negative emotions of envy and jealousy fade away. Your heart is able to be truly happy for others when you have more than you need yourself.

People that love themselves are not self-absorbed or arrogant, but secure. Once their needs are met, they have extra love to give to others. Loving yourself doesn’t mean pushing to the front and trampling others. You do not have to seek attention. Self-love brings self-esteem. Narcissists appear to have self-esteem, but are extremely selfish and insecure underneath.

When we are guided by our egos, we constantly see what is wrong and our thoughts reinforce it. We believe we can’t love ourselves until certain conditions are in place.

Ego is conditional. It says: when everything falls into place I will find peace.

Spirit is unconditional. It says: find peace and everything will fall into place.

The place to start loving yourself is here, now.

Cheers to you!!!

Ann Hoy <3

 

 

Your Problems Are But A Drop Of Water In The SEA Of Life

Your problems are but a drop of water

                                                                                                                                                      Roberto Nixon / Unsplash

Have you noticed that when you have a problem people will sympathize with you initially, but soon they’re back to the daily grind, and you lose that support that you so desperately seek from them? It is because they have their own equal and opposite problems. To dwell on your problem, means they might drop the ball on their problem, in this continuous juggling game of life, and they have to keep their boat afloat.

To wallow in your misery along with you is not love. It anchors you to your problem. They care about you, and they want you to pull yourself out of your problem, because you are the only one who can pull yourself out. Others can help, but only you can do it. Maybe all you need to do is change your perspective. Maybe your so-called problem is the way you are seeing things. Your problem may turn out to be a blessing. Maybe it’s time for you to “Sea” Life’s Beauty.

Being happy is a choice. It is choosing to think positive thoughts from the second you open your eyes in the morning, no matter what your circumstances are. Yes, a choice. It is your attitude about your circumstances that matters. Is yours an attitude of gratitude? I found a book in the “discard” bin in the public library 20 years ago. I was a little low on confidence at the time, so I took it home, and it was so fascinating that I’ve read it 100 times over the years and it changed my life. It is ‘The Power of Positive Thinking’ by Norman Vincent Peale. It said that gaining faith in yourself is like a skill that you can practice until you get it right.

 

The book has a similar philosophy to the law of attraction. If your thoughts are positive, you attract positive energy back, so you might as well make it positive, because the alternative is worse. Your thoughts about what is good or bad are not always based on reality, but on your perception. The good news is, you can change your perception in a minute. Sometimes all it takes is to re-frame your thoughts and you will see your situation entirely differently, and you will see an abundance of good and opportunity instead of a shortfall. Go ahead and Soak Up Positive Energy.

A while back, my finances were a worry. I had a lot of credit card debt, but on paper, I owned 50 percent of an expensive property. I sold the property, bought a home with suites and lived in one of the suites, which was much smaller than the big house I had been living in. By downsizing, I was able to pay off my credit card, put some cash in the bank, and gain rental revenue to help pay my mortgage. I had the same amount of money as I did before the move, but my perspective changed. Instead of seeing a sea of red, I saw a stream of cash.

I recently wrote a post about living well, and a reader asked me to explain what living well meant to me. Here is a link to it: https://goo.gl/Km7l3t, What living well means to you is likely quite different from what it means to me. Please share what living well means to you, and here is my list:

Wisdom Of The Ocean Listicle: Living Well

1. Living well is appreciating what you have and attracting abundance.Complaining about what you lack is the law of lack, and it attracts more lack. This keeps you in the bilges, always bailing out the dirty water from the ship instead of sailing smoothly on by.

2. Living in the present is living well. This sounds obvious, but most people are distracted by regrets about the past that they can’t change, or worrying that something dreadful will happen in the future, that never actually happens. They are thinking about what they are going to say next in their conversations instead of listening to what people are saying to them, or romancing with their cell phones while sitting next to the person they love most in the entire world, instead of telling them they love them. Now is the only time you have to embrace life. Why is that the hardest thing to do? Your sailboat has it’s own pace. Don’t rush things with an engine. Go With The Flow and don’t get ahead of, or behind your own sailboat.

3. Living well is loving the voyage. Giving what you can to others after you have satisfied your own needs, and accepting their offerings to you and honoring the giver in them is love. Come Out of Your Shell and show love.

4. It is beautiful to be who you are and love who you are. Living well is cherishing the divine creation you are, and not measuring your worth based on your gender, age, weight, looks or bank account. Self-confidence attracts more self-confidence. To be proud of who you are is honoring your divine nature, which we all have inside of us. Be Shore of Yourself

5. Nurturing your health with mind, body and soul is Living Well. Healthy food and exercise are better than medicine from the pharmacy for your body. Lifelong learning by reading is medicine for the mind. Positive expansive thoughts about your purpose in life, and aligning your actions with your positive thoughts is medicine for your soul. Don’t Get Tide Down with a poor lifestyle

6. Living well means seeking your own approval over the approval of others. If they approve, awesome, if not, don’t sweat it. Do what you know is right for you. Likewise, don’t judge others when they do what’s right for them. Spend time doing what you love, as in Do What Floats Your Boat.

7. Oh yeah, and don’t be crabby – and take time to coast!

  • sources — Wisdom From The Ocean
  • Thanks for reading. Shout out to Michele Trainer for suggestion
  • Thanks for collaborating Anna Henricson
  • Have a beautiful day! If you liked it please hit the heart button and recommend it.
  • Please comment on what living well means to you.
  • AHoy!

Coffee Headaches: How I Overcame The Incurable Pain

Coffee Headaches

My behavior doesn’t define me, my ability to change it does

 

After trying unsuccessfully to quit coffee for three months, I quit in ten minutes.

How did I do it?

I did it with the help of my three sons.

The idea of quitting coffee had been percolating in my mind for a while, and the boys knew it.

On our way to the park one day, I stopped at a coffee shop to grab a coffee. It was a scalding hot day in July.

My middle son said: “Why do you need a coffee on such a hot day?”

“Don’t you want a cold drink instead?” said the oldest.

Then the youngest said: “Didn’t you say you were quitting coffee, Mom?”

I always told them to do what they say they’re going to do, and I wasn’t following my own advice.

Worse than failing to quit coffee, was failing to lead by example. And I was being held accountable.

Why quit coffee? The adverse side effects:

1. The shaking hands after drinking three cups. 2. The “coffee headaches” if I didn’t drink a cup upon waking up. 3. The coffee cravings that felt like I wasn’t choosing coffee- it was choosing me.

I quit coffee that moment in the parking lot, but the shift in my behavior came with side effects.

I didn’t drink coffee that day, or the next day, or the day after that. I had a coffee withdrawal headache that continued for three days. But on the fourth day, my coffee headache was gone.

My new habits no longer revolved around drinking coffee. I didn’t miss the smooth, dark, warm, aromatic beverage — much!

I started drinking water or tea instead.

I knew what I had to do, but it was the guilt from my family that made me commit.

My behavior didn’t define me, my ability to change it did.

In the end, I quit for love. Love for myself and my kids.

Once I was freely choosing what to drink, I found that coffee really wasn’t my cup of tea.

photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/11037770@N00/287004622“></a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com“>photopin</a> <a

pref=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/“>(license)</a>

This story was also published on Medium.

Top 5 Tips To Better Your Relationships

See

Being positive about others makes us positive about ourselves

You may have read other tips about improving your relationships, but more than likely they haven’t even scratched the surface of how to improve them. These aren’t superficial tips about getting people to like you on the surface. This list goes deeper inside yourself to better your relationships.  I spent the past week studying relationships and learning how to optimize them by looking to myself for the answers.  It wasn’t easy to try and change the way I think about my relationships, in fact, it was exhausting.  I learned that when I make judgments about what people say and do, I may be misinterpreting them, and to stop judging them and give them the benefit of the doubt is necessary.

 

See the Best in Others

1.  See the Best in Yourself 

To see the best in others, you have to uncover the goodness in yourself.  People are like a mirror reflecting back to us, and goodness attracts goodness.  To paraphrase Wayne Dyer – other people’s behavior belongs to them, it is your choice how to relate to them.

 

2. Care About others

When you care about people, you bring out their good qualities, and feel connected to them, even if you haven’t met them.  I recently read J.K. Rowling’s book for adults called “Casual Vacancy” and I admired her writing as I read each page.  I also admire her for starting a charity for abused children, which is a main theme in the book.  This connected me with her writing, and helped me enjoy her book.

 

3. Praise and Compliment Others    

It takes understanding to refrain from judging others.  But praising and complimenting what they do right makes them feel good and inspires them to change.  It also increases our self- love  when we stop judging ourselves.

 

4. It’s a Conscious Choice to Always Look For the Best in Others.

It is a choice to see the best in others. I have been giving more weight to the positive thoughts about people than the negative ones.  It’s not easy, because old patterns of thinking become entrenched.  I want to make a habit of seeing the best in others, and changing the way I relate to them is the best way to do it.

For instance, my son forgot to take out the garbage the other day, but instead of nagging him, I felt grateful that he took Rocko out to the bathroom at 1am, and allowed me to stay in bed.   My good feelings about my son made me forget about taking out the garbage.

As Wayne Dyer says:  “How you choose to interpret people and your relationships makes a huge Difference”

 

5. Let Go Of the Negative Shared Past With People

Sometimes we decide to walk away from certain people because involvement with them is too painful.  But it’s even difficult to see the good in people that we spend a lot of time with.  As is often pointed out, judging people says more about you than them.  We can choose to let go of the negative feelings from the past, and start fresh, with a more positive interpretation of them today, but we have to work at it.

By accepting people as they are in the present moment, and detaching from the past, we can see their innate goodness.  Like us, they are a field of energy that is constantly changing and evolving.

 

Only by loving ourselves, can we extend encouragement to others.  Believing in the good in others makes us a better person who is conscious of the possibility of seeing the good in everyone, and creating oneness, which is love.

 

http://tinybuddha.com/

http://www.consciousdivas.com

photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/pierofix/4472991886/”>pierofix</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/”>cc</a>