For 50 years, I have been cold. Although the winters on the BC Coast are moderate, it still gets chilly in December.
This year, however, I did a complete 180, and am incinerating with menopausal hot flashes that are hotter than July. I shunned hormone replacement therapy, so had to devise a strategy to survive my change of life. The following is my plan:
Clothing:
Since summers end was only an illusion, sleeveless tops are perfect to wear in the house. A hoody can be worn over them outside, and in case of a meltdown, the zipper can be undone. Removing layers of clothing allows you to escape the heat, but how can a bra still make you feel hot? Knitted sweaters, hats, gloves and fur lined boots are sooooo pre-meno.
In the house:
Open the windows until someone everyone complains that they’re freezing, and the dog goes missing under a comforter. The furnace is the enemy, so turn down the thermostat each time you walk by it, because said freezing people keep turning it up. Freeze plastic mugs in your freezer to keep your drinks colder, and volunteer to go get everyone a mug out of it when they want a drink. While you’re there, grab the ice pack and place it on your spine and go sit down. Cover the heat vents with magnetic sheets to block the heat from you, and divert it to the freezing people. Hair dryers are sooooo out – wet hair is cooler. Seize the following opportunities: running your hands under cold water, refilling the ice cube tray, standing barefoot on the cement floor in the carport, or the backyard ice rink (see photo), which didn’t fully freeze due to aforementioned moderate winter.
Going out:
Going to stores, theatres, and coffee shops, feels like you’re going to the beach. Seek shade, and avoid standing directly under high wattage lights. At the theatre, reserve an aisle seat, so body heat is only radiating on one side of you. Avoid sitting near roasting fireplaces inside coffee shops, and dress your dog like you’re going ice fishing, as an excuse to sit at the outdoor patio at Starbucks. Drain your frapuccino until you achieve your brain freeze, and remove the ice from the dog dish outside and add fresh water, so the pup will be happy.
Apparently, it won’t be too much longer until my change of life is complete, and I’ll be in the middle seat of the theatre again, wearing a winter coat and sipping a hot tea. I only hope it’s not in July!